The Little Engine that Could was a book I remember being fond of when I was younger. It contains a great lesson about optimism, hard work, and never giving up. With this being said, there are always going to be times in life where we feel like giving up. There are times where we feel like our hard work and integrity just isn’t giving us the fruits of our labor fast enough. Unfortunately for me, I’m currently feeling that way.
As I’ve mentioned in my about page, I’ve been drawing since I learned to hold crayons. I knew art was going to be an enjoyable hobby for me, and I could tell it was something I’d grow to be good at. As for making it my career, I never would have seen that coming. It’s been a tricky journey so far, but I’ve seen a lot of improvement as I continue to move forward. “I feel great” is what I want to say. But realistically, I wish I felt better.
Comparing your own success and growth to that of others isn’t healthy, and I know I shouldn’t be doing that. But in my defense, (or excuse) it’s really hard not to. The biggest reason I find myself doing this is because I’m around people so much at school, followed by the emphasized importance of making connections online, as well as following others on social media. Many of my colleagues from art school are already doing much better for themselves than I am, and most of us are in our early to mid 20s.
Fellow classmates I’ve interacted with already have thousands of social media followers and successful shops. They actually have a fair amount of people seeking out their commissions, and they even have their own booths at conventions. When I see all of that and look back at myself, I can’t help but feel envious of the people around me. However, that doesn’t mean I have any hatred or negative feelings towards them. Not at all. I think it’s absolutely incredible to see my colleagues achieve success as artists. I’m always so happy for them whenever they find new opportunities that boost their reputation and become even more recognizable in the world!
However, there’s still that bad habit in the back of my mind. I look at myself and I think “I’ve been trying for years, just like they have. How come I’m not big like them?” I made my first attempt to “become big” in middle school. Justin Bieber, alongside many other stars and celebrities, became icons thanks to the help of their internet fame. I attempted to start up my own Youtube channel where I would post acapella song covers, hoping I’d blow up the same way others did. That didn’t happen. As soon as I posted anything, my videos were immediately copyright struck and made unavailable for viewing. Okay, scratch that off the list.
I revisited the idea of making it big on Youtube again in high school, this time trying to become a gaming sensation alongside my current boyfriend. That didn’t work either. I desperately took a shot at Twitch, hoping that I could become a popular streamer. After almost 2 years of no viewers, I got tired of sitting at my computer, putting on a grand stream for nobody watching. My final attempt was made on Tiktok. I follow tons of phenomenal cosplayers and artists on Tiktok deserve the whole world’s attention! But of course, I too wanted a bit of that attention. By now, it’s become pretty clear that it didn’t happen. So… what now?
Now, I’m posting to Instagram and Twitter. (Both can be found on my contact page) Although I try not to let myself fall into the trap of wanting likes and followers, it tends to get a little discouraging when social media is such a big focus for artists, businesses, and/or other career paths. As I mentioned before, I think it’s amazing that other classmates and colleagues are getting thousands of followers and selling their art. I’m just having a hard time understanding why I haven’t found that sort of success yet, and I worry that I may not at all.
I whole heartedly believe that patience is important and that confidence is key. I also understand what helps make artists successful; one of those things being to find your niche/people of interest. As of now, I hope to find that group of people, and to finally fit that niche in the art community. But for now. I’m simply a little toy boat, floating around in the vast ocean of hard work, sacrifice, and struggle.
